Thursday, August 4, 2011

broken hearted soliloquy

hot winter night, 1.50am

mike? can you hear me? i know you can hear me. i can't go without seeing you. i missed your messages today and i tried to call you back but you didn't answer. come on. you were at my house today and you're always allowed in. mike let me in for two minutes that's all.

i know you think i'm insane. i'm probably a bit insane. i just need to look at you. i put a note under your door. just read the note. i can't leave. i'll just walk round and round the block. you could make this whole thing stop in five seconds. two minutes. if you're thinking i'm a nutcase and i'll tire myself out soon you're wrong. i'm just going to sit here until you let me up. just for a minute. two minutes. 

mike i'm going to throw myself off the balcony. i just need to see you before you go. i don't even know where you're going. that box of stuff you left for me. god it's heartbreaking.

have i fucked you up so much? do you not think i've felt any pain over the past few years? i'm here. i'm insane and a whore i know, but i'm not going anywhere until i've seen you. i just really need to see you.

if i had anything higher than this i'd throw myself off it. this is bullshit. come on. i can't eat. i can't sleep. i can't do anything. just five minutes. two minutes. i don't want your neighbour to yell at me again but i don't care now. ok i care a little bit but i don't care.

mike i'm not out of it. you think i'm insane, i'm not insane, ok maybe a bit insane.

repeat for one hour, then footsteps on the stairs and a muffled conversation. quiet.

mike i don't know if you can hear me but i'm sorry and you'll never hear from me again. i'm done. i'm completely done.